i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
