My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize