Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
