somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
