I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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