I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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