Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
