is your mom at the bar?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
