I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
