im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
