When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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