He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
