you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
