It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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