The maid of honor just puked.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
