im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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