he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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