they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
