I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
