Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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