sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Welp...herpes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize