I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
