I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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