Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
