Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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