420 ftw
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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