Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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