proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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