Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
