Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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