we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
