He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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