your thong is hanging out like whoa
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
