His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
