I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She even gives head with a lisp.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
