So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
