I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
