I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
