I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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