My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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