new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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