it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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