please come you make the beer taste better
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
