Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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