I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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