there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
