In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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