im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Houston, we have a squirter
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
