Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize