make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
