i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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