i was born a porn star she said
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
