It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i've created a new STD.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize