FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
