Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize