i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
