Im at strip club and am horny
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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