i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
