went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
