My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
