SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
