I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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