Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
