WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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