does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
