I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
