ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
