The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
