Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
