I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
